I still remember the day I told myself I was going away for college
Actually more like boarding school
But either way, I was leaving
Sent in my applications
Dropped out of high school
And started college
Honestly, all I really needed was an escape
Away from home
Away from the violence
Away from Harlem
Packed my bags and went to Great Barrington, Massachusetts
Leaving all of my friends and family behind
Not realizing the privilege in my choice
I left
From the hood to the mountains
I was gone
I’m so privileged
That I got to be the first generation college graduate in my family
So privileged I go to a private school
And leave with minimal loans
So privileged I got to sit in class and watch the white kids fathom on how exotic I looked
Like they ain’t ever see a black person before
Like they ain't ever believe i could make it here
Like i was taking up too much space
So privileged
that every time we started talking about Africa or Slavery
The whole class wanted my input
The only topic they thought I was smart enough to handle
So privileged
that when my White professor said the N-word
Everyone looked at me to speak up
As if my internal suffering wasn’t enough
As if my silence wasn’t enough
As if they wanted me to wear my scars on my wrist because if they can’t see it
It didn’t happen
So privileged
My parents could only afford
to give me $100 every two weeks for groceries
So privileged
I hated going home for the holidays cause I didn’t know how I could afford the transportation
So privileged
So privileged
I was forced into boxes
That just weren’t fitting
I had to be my own standard of beauty
Cause there just weren’t many
And I had be me
Even on the days when it wasn’t pretty
So privileged
I got lost in the ideation of being black
That I really felt like I turned my back
On my people
Felt like all the culture was getting lost
And I was a lost cause
And there was no point in coming back
Until I had something to show for it all
I missed so many of my friends birthdays
Didn’t get to see them on their worst days
But I got to ride up on this high horse
Cause I graduated early
And on paper it looked great
But inside I was hurting
First I wanted Law School then a PhD
Yeah, I didn’t really know my purpose
Just a lost kid searching
For a place to call home
to my parents I am sorry that I didn’t pick up the phone
To my friends i really hate that I left y’all alone
Im just trying to forgive myself for the things I’ve outgrown
Cause Even with all the rainy days
I still kicked out the storm
So privileged
That every time I came back to my city
They tried to clown me
Talking bout how I think I’m too good
Now that the white folks found me
And the thing that was most unsettling
It that I was accused of thinking I was better than my people
Like there’s anyone better than my people
So privileged
Could never fit in with the white folk
While getting side eyed by my folk
As if my skin ever changed
As if my struggles were not the same
As if I wasn't the child of two immigrants
So privileged
That everyone thought I was okay
No one really checks in on the one who got it all together
So privileged
They thought I had it all together

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